


A Necessary Bridge

by Eliza



Series: Sweet Harmony [8]
Category: DBSK, TVXQ
Genre: M/M, OT5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-06
Updated: 2007-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:21:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza/pseuds/Eliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bridge(music) -- a contrasting section which also prepares for the return of the original material section.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Necessary Bridge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rune &amp; Karot](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Rune+%26+Karot).



> I am dedicating this one to Rune and Karot simply because they are awesome. *HUGS*, darlings
> 
> Rana, however, gets a special award. She not only did her usual stellar beta job, but held my hand through the torturous writing process.

"You're too far away," Jaejoong says with a definite lure in his voice. Yoochun opens his eyes just enough to look down the sofa to the other end where Jaejoong is reaching out to Changmin's hand, which a moment ago was almost touching the floor as he dozed in the chair.

"I'm not moving," Yoochun says, making himself sound more asleep than he is. "And no, there isn't enough room."

"I could make you move," Changmin says, not as asleep as he sounds either from the look on his face.

Yoochun smirks. "We're not on TV now, boy. Try it and you'll see why my name suits me so well."

"I've seen all your 'hidden weapons'."

"You've seen the ones in the front display case."

"Stop," Jaejoong snarls. "You're making me horny. I'm too tired to be horny."

"We need fresh blood," Yoochun says.

"To get us food at the very least," Changmin agrees.

Right on cue the front door opens, and they all snicker. Jaejoong goes back into his languishing Southern-belle routine--Yoochun will never tell him how well he does that--and Changmin settles into a sulk. Which could be considered a very natural expression for him if his eyes weren't laughing so much. Yoochun half closes his own eyes, keeping them open just enough to watch everything.

It takes effort to keep them that way when Yunho and Junsu come into the room. Damn. Fresh air really agrees with them. Yunho enters the room carefully, suspicious of something being up. Junsu hangs back, but moves with more certainty and stares at Yoochun to make him crack. Yoochun has to close his eyes.

"Lunch was good," Yunho says, and Yoochun has to bite the inside of his cheek not to laugh. He peeks at Changmin, who is likely doing the same thing judging by the tears in his eyes.

"I'm glad you liked it," Jaejoong sighs. "But I'm far too tired to make dinner."

"I'm too tired to eat dinner," Yoochun adds. Good thing his "Just woken up voice" is very similar to his "I'm really trying not to laugh" voice. But not similar enough; Junsu raises an eyebrow behind Yunho's back.

"I'm hungry enough to eat for all three, but they won't let me in the kitchen," Changmin says, in the depths of despair.

Junsu comes up behind Yunho and looks over his shoulder at Changmin. "Just checking," Junsu says.

"Sorry if my being clothed disappoints you," Changmin says. And Yoochun gives up, turning his face into the pillow to muffle his snickers.

His curiosity won't let him stay there though, and he lifts his head to see Jaejoong hiding his mouth behind his hand and waving Yunho into the kitchen with the other one. Junsu returns both of the smiles from the sofa, then drapes himself over Changmin. "That's okay. I like these jeans," Junsu replies, wiggling around to get comfortable. Or more likely to make Changmin uncomfortable. Changmin's method of making him stop seems...contradictory.

"Oven's ready," Yunho yells from the kitchen.

"Put the pan in and set the timer for thirty minutes," Jaejoong yells back.

Changmin is _still_ kissing Junsu when Yoochun hears dinner go into the oven. And by the time they finish, Yoochun can't keep quiet any longer. "I'll give him an 8.7. The start wasn't a smooth as it should have been, the positioning lacked the grace I know they are both capable of, but the finish was very respectable." Yoochun meets Jaejoong's stare for a few beats before Jaejoong covers his face with both hands and howls with laughter. Changmin sneers. Junsu is really cute when he's mad.

"Lacking grace? What the hell--?"

"Did you enjoy the _peaches_?" Yoochun cuts him off. And Junsu puts on his "But I _am_ cute so I deserve it" grin.

"They helped kill the taste of the bugs I ate."

There is an eerie silence until Jaejoong says from behind his hands, "On purpose?"

Then chaos breaks loose. Changmin jumps up, dumping Junsu on the floor and runs to the kitchen; he almost flattens Yunho, coming back out to the common room. Junsu rocks up onto his knees and starts to pummel Jaejoong, who is laughing too hard to call for Yunho's help. Their fearless leader is showing great wisdom and inching out of the room again. Yoochun's just grateful for Jaejoong's legs in front of him; he would have fallen onto the floor otherwise, he's laughing so hard. He'll never be able to breathe again.

Changmin comes back in with a big glass of water. "Junsu ate bugs," he tells Yunho and takes a large swallow.

"On purpose?" Yunho asks and frowns at Changmin. "You sure you want to swallow that?"

Changmin races for the kitchen again, as Junsu protests. "Not on purpose!" he insists, now sitting on the floor in front of an apoplectic Jaejoong. "The face guard didn't come all the way down."

Yunho shakes his head. "Bugs? It took more than one to figure out to keep your mouth closed?"

"Hey!" Junsu shifts around to sit on his heels while searching for just the right response. "You kissed me first."

Again silence. Jaejoong sits up with his feet on the floor and stares at Yunho, then goes into hysterics, tipping himself over to lie on Yoochun, gasping into his ear, "I'm gonna die."

"Me first," Yoochun replies, barely. "You're heavy, man. And I'm having enough trouble breathing without you camped out on my chest."

Jaejoong takes the hint and rolls onto the floor, still laughing. Yoochun sits up, sliding down the sofa to put his legs on either side of Junsu, who's still waiting for Yunho's comeback. "Bugs, huh?" he says into Junsu's ear.

"Shut up!"

It doesn't look like Junsu's going to get his answer because Yunho's kneeling down beside Jaejoong, looking concerned. He takes Jaejoong's hand away from his face and brushes his cheek until he opens his eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah," Jaejoong says with a huge smile. "Completely exhausted though. That was better than sex."

"Thank you." Yunho says, sarcastically. At the same time Yoochun does.

Oops.

Yoochun grabs the blanket from the back of the sofa and tries to disappear under it. He's not sure that the blows will hurt less if he doesn't see them coming, but it's worth a shot.

"How.... Why...," Yunho starts.

"It likely had something to do with Jaejoong asking Yoochun to fuck him," Changmin says matter-of-factly as he comes back into the room, and Yoochun peeks out enough to see him settle in the chair again, looking calm and collected and obscenely pleased with himself.

"Those exact words?" Junsu asks.

"Yup."

Yoochun feels a hand pat his head through the blanket. "That explains it."

"Shut up!" Yoochun shouts from under the blanket.

"How do you...?" Yunho still seems to be having trouble with complete sentences.

"You think I'd just stay out here and play video games, hyung? Are you insane?"

The timer sounds in the kitchen and Yoochun uncovers himself enough to look at Jaejoong, who flashes him his "It's your mess, buddy" grin. "Time to check on dinner," he says, scrambling to his feet.

"That wasn't thirty minutes," Yunho says, following.

"So you messed something up and I need to check. And you kissed Junsu."

"You kissed him first."

"Nice, huh." Jaejoong says, with a softer smile flashing over his shoulder as he pushes open the kitchen door.

Yoochun stares at Junsu, who glances back but doesn't hold his gaze. "Getting to the point when we need scorecards around here," Junsu mutters.

"Good idea!" Changmin jumps up and starts to dig through a small desk. "A chart. We need a chart."

The thought of stopping Changmin goes in and then out of Yoochun's head. It's a piece of paper, just as easily ignored now as later. What can't be ignored is the man sitting in front of him. Yoochun leans down and drapes his arms over Junsu's chest, catching one wrist to close the loose embrace. "Are we all right?" he asks softly.

Junsu meets his eyes this time. "If Jaejoong ever feeds you again and I'm in the house, you call me. I am not missing out on that anymore."

Yoochun sits up. This wasn't the kind of response he expected, but thinking about it, he should have. He considers answering with a kiss, and ends up holding out his hand. "Deal."

"Deal." Junsu takes the handshake, but doesn't give Yoochun's hand back when he leans against the sofa again. He pulls Yoochun down so that his cheek is resting against the top of Junsu's head.

"If it really bothered you, you should have said something."

"What part of 'Don't let him feed you' was unclear?"

"I think the part where it was obvious posturing and bluster." He can't help kissing the top of Junsu's head. Junsu tilts it to the side and pulls on Yoochun's hand some more so that they end up cheek to cheek.

"Of course it was. I'd never tell you what to do," Junsu says, rubbing Yoochun's fingers.

"I know. But you could tell me if something I do bothers you."

"I do." Junsu turns so that Yoochun can look him in the eye. "I will. Same for you."

"Deal."

"Deal." This one is sealed with a kiss.

~~~

Junsu's laughing. It's not the cute giggle or the wicked snicker, but his full-souled beautiful laugh that echoes off the kitchen walls. Jaejoong and Yunho aren't going to want to let him go anytime soon, and Yoochun can't blame them, but he suddenly realizes he can't watch it either. He puts the serving dish back on the table. They'll come looking for him, want to know what's taking so long. He knows what the look in Junsu's eyes will ask and he curses the itch of tears he can feel behind his own. A retreat to his bedroom is probably the best idea. Tonight, he's sure it'll be his alone.

Except for Changmin pulling the bedding apart.

"You short-sheeted it?" Yoochun says, seeing the arrangement of the linens.

"Jaejoong knows I did something. He'll make sure they don't end up in here."

Yoochun remembers Jaejoong's moment of hesitation this morning as they left Changmin with the order to clean up the bed. "Wasn't the point of this revenge against me?"

"I changed my mind." Changmin smiles as he pulls down the folded layer and tucks it under the foot of the mattress.

"I don't need coddling," Yoochun says, helping with the other side.

"Of course not." Changmin flips up the top sheet that had been tucked under the head of the mattress.

"Marbles!" Yoochun lets out a surprised breath of laughter as Changmin sweeps them into a pile. "Now you've impressed me. Where did you get marbles?"

"There was a game in the closet with the sheets." Changmin pulls out the board from under the bed along with a small box.

"I haven't played that since--" Yoochun stops. He hates mentioning his family and right now is not the time to bring up the topic of loved ones too far away.

"Do ya wanna?"

There's another burst of laughter from the kitchen and Yoochun sees something painful cross Changmin's face. He doesn't find Changmin as easy to read as the rest, but then he hasn't really taken the time to learn. That's something he should change. "Sure."

They pull up the blankets to cover the bed, not fussing with edges and corners. Yoochun pushes the door closed, making sure to turn the knob so that the latch is silent when it catches. He doesn't want to confirm that he's shutting anything out. When he turns around, Changmin is stretched out diagonally on the bed, placing marbles for two players on the star-shaped board.

Yoochun lets his eyes travel up the length of the denim-encased legs, the long limbs likely growing as he watches. He can feel that a smile has found its way onto his face by the time his eyes meet Changmin's. There might be a question in them, but he ignores the thought, and makes himself comfortable at the head of the bed, with the supply of pillows piled up as a bolster for him to drape himself over.

The opening moves are simple, a routine formality until the game progresses enough to engage the other player. Yoochun's mind wanders from the board; he stretches out his hearing to try and glean what's going on in the room down the hall. He won't be able to, the bathroom is between the bedrooms, but that doesn't stop his imagination from filling in the blanks. He does eventually hear a sound, a sigh, and he focuses on the game again in time to blink as Changmin jumps one of his pieces all the way across the board. Then Changmin surprises him by frowning. "I knew I was going to win, but I thought you would at least make it interesting."

"I'm sorry." He is. Changmin shouldn't have to put up with this mood.

"Feeling guilty about lying to Junsu?"

Not sorry anymore. "I don't lie to Junsu."

Changmin looks up at him, no judgement in his eyes, but no mercy either. This is why all of them admire him so much, and fear him a little. And why none of them will ever tell him about either opinion. "Are you lying to yourself then?" he says.

The words are spoken softly, but they hit Yoochun like a slap to the face. The sting settles in his eyes and he sits up on the edge of the bed, his back to Changmin. He's getting used to letting the tears flow gently in public, and in private he's never held anything back, but he doesn't want to acknowledge these, certainly doesn't want them to be witnessed. "I guess we can call you the winner and end this game," he says, grateful that his voice is still clear. "Good night, Changmin."

There is too much silence in the room before the clatter of pouring marbles breaks it. A few moments later, it sounds like the board and box are dropped a few inches from the floor. Yoochun feels the mattress dip behind him and takes a deep breath in relief at the indication of Changmin moving toward the door. The breath stays trapped as Yoochun feels Changmin's on the back of his neck.

"I will not accept your concession," Changmin says, enunciating clearly.

A shiver runs down Yoochun's spine, completely out of place with everything else he's feeling at the moment. But the tears have reached the edge of his lashes, and dammit, if Changmin is going to play dirty, so can he. He blinks hard and turns around as the tears fall onto his cheeks. "I don't want you here. Get out." His voice is rougher, but not watery yet. Good enough.

"No," Changmin says, pausing long enough to make it seem like a simple contrary statement. But then he gets off the bed and leans down close to Yoochun's face. "You want Junsu here. I'm going to get him."

"NO!" Yoochun grabs Changmin by the front of the shirt and trips him while pulling him toward the bed. Changmin ends up flat on his back on the mattress, eyes blinking wide, and Yoochun straddles him in an attempt to make a point more than anything. Without the element of surprise, Yoochun knows he's out of his weight class fighting with Changmin. "I don't _want_ Junsu here," he insists, and winces as another tear escapes, onto Changmin's skin this time.

Changmin reaches up and wipes Yoochun's cheeks, his thumbs brushing at the lower lashes to preempt the fall of the next pair of drops. He doesn't get the fond, loving look that appears on Jaejoong's face when he makes exactly the same gesture. And there isn't the concerned frown that Junsu usually gets. Changmin simply wipes Yoochun's face and waits.

It's soothing, his lack of expectation. It settles Yoochun enough for him to notice the shine of the water still on Changmin's cheek and he leans down to wipe it with his lips, a gentle brush of a kiss. Changmin laughs, just as gently, and whispers, "Don't try to distract me."

"I'd never dream of it," Yoochun purrs. And in that moment of flirtation, he knows that he might be able to distract Changmin, but not himself.

Something deflates in him and he can't seem to find the strength to push himself up again, not that he wants to meet Changmin's eyes anyway. Instead he slides down a bit to rest his head on Changmin's shoulder, finding the spot where the bones aren't too sharp. It had been a delicious few moments this morning when he'd used Changmin as a pillow, so Yoochun arranges himself to settle in for a while. He braces one elbow at Changmin's side and pulls up the opposite knee by Changmin's hip to help take some of his weight, his other leg sliding between Changmin's thighs. His new bedding doesn't seem to have any objection to the idea. Changmin slips the fingers of one hand between Yoochun's waistband and his shirt, brushing over the inked skin again. The other hand cradles Yoochun's free arm, fingers tucked into the sleeve of Yoochun's t-shirt.

They stay quiet like that for awhile, although Yoochun feels Changmin brush his face against Yoochun's hair from time to time. "I'm trusting you to tell me when I get too heavy," Yoochun says, lifting his head just enough in hope of Changmin hearing him. He's too lazy to be sure that his voice is actually working.

"Why would you trust me to tell you something like that?" Changmin says, and places a kiss on the top of Yoochun's head. It takes a few minutes for the subtle dig to sink in, and Yoochun starts to lose hope of being able to avoid the topic of Junsu and their deal.

"I'd thought you'd let that go," Yoochun mutters into Changmin's chest, and Changmin laughs.

"It's one thing to be in denial, but that's just silly."

Yoochun lifts himself up to see a wide grin curving Changmin's mouth, and both fondness and concern in his eyes. Learning to read Changmin seems to be fast becoming a matter of self-preservation. He rests his forehead on Changmin's breastbone as he sighs his resignation, then tips himself off of his comfortable perch, preparing himself for the pain of what he is about to dig into.

Changmin isn't as accommodating this time. He grips Yoochun's arm, keeping him on the bed instead of continuing the roll off the side as Yoochun intended. "Don't run away again."

The vivid memory of the events that started this change in the group stops Yoochun cold. Changmin rolls onto his side and Yoochun lets himself be pulled back down, pulled close. It's only when he feels Changmin's sigh against the back of his neck that he lets all the pieces fall into place and he threads his fingers with the ones almost clutching at his chest.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry," Changmin mutters into Yoochun's hair and then lifts his head, his voice clear. "And I _know_ what I want."

Yoochun looks over his shoulder and the look in Changmin's eyes dares him to argue. He turns back and snuggles closer, feeling Changmin smile against his neck.

"I know what I want," Yoochun begins. "My brain knows what it wants. Junsu and I have talked about this a number of times since...."

"You turned me into a quivering mass of pudding," Changmin says, still smiling against his skin.

"Yeah. That was fun." The smile becomes a kiss, but then Changmin backs up a little. Yoochun appreciates the space. "Something started to change that day. A change that Jaejoong seems to have embraced enthusiastically, but then it's just the kind of change he loves, one without precedent. All he needs to do is hold out his hand and Yunho will follow. Yunho would follow even if Jaejoong didn't hold out his hand, he'd just complain more." Changmin snickers and Yoochun smiles, feeling a little lighter with each word. "Junsu trusts the rest of us not to hurt him. I think you trust yourself not to let yourself get hurt."

Yoochun waits for a comment, and when it doesn't come, he looks over his shoulder. Changmin scowls and pushes him back with a finger on his cheek. "We're not talking about me."

Yet. More and more questions pile up in an unused corner of Yoochun's mind. But there is still an issue centre stage that now seems to be shouting for attention. "I trust all of you, too. I do. There is nothing you can say that would make it stronger and there is nothing you can say that would shake it. That's why I did _not_ lie to Junsu and talking about this didn't make much sense."

"Didn't?

"Shut up."

He feels Changmin's forehead rest lightly against the back of his head and can practically hear Changmin's smile at the automatic comeback. It makes him warm and the tears come again, but this time he doesn't mind. "My heart is greedy--"

"_Aish._"

Yoochun jabs Changmin in the ribs with his elbow. "Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Yes."

"To have the rest of you moving in, filling up spaces is a wonderful thing for this greedy creature. But Junsu was there first. He isn't filling up space, he is part of it. The problem is I didn't realize this until.... Too much is happening so fast. Just as I realize he is there, he...." _Shit._ "Always. I know. Yet he's not...here."

"Tell him," Changmin whispers.

Yoochun turns over. Tears are streaming from his eyes, but he is more certain than ever. "No. This has nothing to do with _him_. He can't fix it. It's my greedy heart that needs to trust and not just...cling."

"It can cling if it likes."

Yoochun smacks Changmin on the shoulder, making him smile. "You're no help." The smile turns into a full grin.

"I guess I should leave then," Changmin says and sits up, and Yoochun reaches to hold on.

"Stay?" Again Yoochun thinks he sees a question in Changmin's eyes, but this time is willing to answer it as best he can. "For sleep. You're comfortable."

Changmin rolls his eyes and smirks. "Yes, that's what Jaejoong and I are known for: making people comfortable."

"Very few people know the two of you as well as I do."

"Just keep it to yourself, okay?"

Yoochun smiles, the first complete one he's found in hours. "Deal."

They both get up. Changmin works at beating the pillows in to a recognizable shape again while Yoochun grabs a couple of tissues to wipe his face and blow his nose. He pulls off his t-shirt and has the button on his jeans undone before turning back around. Changmin is standing beside the bed, with his own t-shirt in hand and an odd look on his face.

"Do you need something to sleep in? Would you prefer I...?" Yoochun doesn't know what he could actually be offering, because pajamas and Junsu just don't mix.

"No." Changmin shakes his head. "I'm good. Just a little nervous. I've never shared a bed with only one person before."

"I'm sorry your first experience is going to be such a letdown."

Changmin takes a breath to say something but instead presses his lips together, holding the words in and shaking his head slowly to release the pressure. Yoochun considers the possibility that he knows Changmin better than he thought he did and, despite the appreciation of the display of rare tact, he wishes that the words would have come out. "What was that for?" he asks.

A raised eyebrow is his only answer while Changmin unbuttons his jeans. Then, with his hands on his hips and thumbs in the waistband, Changmin says, "You're an idiot."

Yoochun shakes his head, but he can grin while doing it. He deserved that, but self-deprecation is still an instinctive response for him. He slides his jeans over his hips and sits on the bed to pull them the rest of the way off. There is a soft creak of the springs as the bed dips behind him and he turns off the bedside lamp before lifting the covers himself. "Can you get that?" he says, nodding toward the lamp on Changmin's side of the bed as he settles onto the pillow.

"In a minute."

The odd look is back, more difficult to read with Changmin's face in shadows. "What are you thinking?''

"You're asking a lot of questions tonight."

"I've just realized you talk a lot but you rarely say anything."

Changmin's face smooths, then shifts into his familiar smirk. "I've decided I'm going to take offence at that."

"You know what I mean." Yoochun runs his knuckles over Changmin's breastbone. Changmin catches his hand, brushes a kiss over the knuckles and then turns to reach for the lamp. Yoochun catches the reaching arm, leaning close to keep Changmin on his side to preserve what little advantage Yoochun has with the light. He holds both of Changmin's hands between them and asks again, "What are you thinking?"

Changmin closes his eyes. "About the idea of the first one in your heart holding a special place. Can we leave it at that? Please."

It's the "please" that surprises Yoochun into acquiescing. He lets go and rolls onto his back as Changmin reaches for the light. The room isn't completely dark; the almost full moon illuminates the thin curtains enough for a serviceable night-light. Changmin's eyes are open when he turns back and Yoochun meets them as best he can in the gloom. He's willing to "leave it at that." Because he's not sure where he would take it. Fooling around with Jaejoong is safe because of Yunho. Fooling around with Changmin is safe because he's an arrogant ass who just wants to get laid. Except when he's not. Dammit, it seems he doesn't have all the pieces of this puzzle. It's so much better when it's just his own heart being bruised. He knows how to deal with that.

"If you start to cry again, I'm getting Junsu."

Then again, since when did Changmin ever have a heart? "By tomorrow, that threat isn't going to work anymore."

"By tomorrow, I'll have found a new one."

Changmin slides his hand over Yoochun's belly and encourages him closer, back into the same position as earlier, on their sides with Changmin spooned up to Yoochun. They're closer this time; Yoochun can feel Changmin's heartbeat against his back. "This okay?" Changmin asks.

"Very good," Yoochun says, surprising himself with how deeply satisfied he sounds. Changmin's heart speeds up for a few beats and Yoochun realizes that sleep is not likely to arrive soon. His body is starting to appreciate the position he's in, without the overwhelming emotional conflict. And without clothes.

He wants to hold Changmin's hand again, press it against his chest so that they both know what the other is feeling. A light pull on Changmin's wrist slips his fingertips out from between the mattress and Yoochun's ribs. It also slides Changmin's palm across Yoochun's skin. The excess emotion has left him raw, hyper-sensitive; the touch makes him shiver. Rather than clasping Changmin's hand with his own, he drags it over his torso, along ribs, over his chest, fingertips just brushing at an already hard nipple before he cradles it over his breastbone.

"I thought...," Changmin murmurs, but doesn't finish the sentence as Yoochun looks over his shoulder. He smiles gently at the look on Changmin's face; he's starting to recognize it now.

Yoochun turns back around and snuggles in closer, fitting them from shoulder to knee. Changmin keeps them that way with the pressure of his forearm around Yoochun's chest. "We can just sleep if you prefer," Yoochun says, as innocently as he can manage while grinning like mad.

There is a growl, or maybe a snarl, before teeth set into the muscle above his shoulder. He rolls his head away, giving the little beast more room. The teeth are replaced by something far more dangerous as Changmin places gentle, wet kisses along Yoochun's neck. By the time he reaches Yoochun's jaw, Yoochun is panting.

"I want to touch you," Changmin whispers in his ear, and a rolling shock travels down Yoochun's spine, spreading out to become tingling nerve endings. It isn't until Changmin tugs at the hold on his hand, that Yoochun figures out what's being asked. He loosens his grip just enough for Changmin's fingers to slide through his and then groans as Changmin takes Yoochun's pierced lobe between his teeth, worrying at the diamond stud there.

The sound of his own voice wakes up a part of Yoochun's brain. After the mental and emotional turmoil he's put himself through, his body wants to take over for a while. But the realization of what he's doing, hiding in the sensations, makes him a little ashamed. He shouldn't be using Changmin like this. Especially not now.

Changmin stops the slow caress, pauses with palm on the bottom curve of Yoochun's rib-cage. "I should have listened to you the first time." He's pulling away; Yoochun knows even before there is any shift against his skin. He turns first so as not to feel it happen.

"Probably," he replies with a small smile and reaches up to brush his fingertips over Changmin's cheek, along his jaw. "I'm so very glad you didn't." He leans in for a kiss but Changmin pulls back, capturing Yoochun's hand and pulling it between them like a shield.

"You're confusing me."

"Oh good. I thought I was the only one I was confusing."

Changmin laughs wryly then angles his head to kiss Yoochun's fingers. He stays like that, eyes hidden, so Yoochun leans close enough for their foreheads to touch at least. Eventually, Changmin whispers, "Junsu told me that none of this is rational. That we shouldn't expect it to be rational."

"What does that mean?"

"I thought it meant that I shouldn't apply the conventional rules to the situation we're in. But now I think it meant that I shouldn't think about it so much."

"The latter sounds like Junsu." Changmin laughs and raises his head; Yoochun smiles back and continues, "The former sounds like you. I think that's the better explanation."

"And still...." Changmin presses the back of his hand over Yoochun's heart. "I'm gonna go."

And this is where the conversation started. Yoochun doesn't wait for permission this time; he takes the kiss. Tries to give it as well, but Changmin seems determined, so he settles for a lingering moment against the warmth of Changmin's breath and says, "I won't stop you. But know that I'm not the one running anymore."

"I won't be able to handle you changing your mind again."

Now Yoochun understands the wariness in Changmin's eyes. "I wanted you gone until I asked you to stay. That's the only time I changed my mind. And about the going to sleep thing, but I'll leave that up to you."

It takes a few moments before Changmin seems to accept the explanation and close the distance again. Yoochun gets to give during this kiss, and receives enough to start to feel full again. Changmin is still holding back though, and Yoochun can't help but do the same. At least he doesn't have to wait long for the reason. "And what about Junsu?" Changmin asks, looking Yoochun straight in the eyes.

"He's going to be soooo jealous when he finds out what happened without him."

Changmin's smile burns away the last of the doubt in the room. "We curled up and went to sleep."

"That's right!"

Changmin leans in again, but when Yoochun reaches to meet his lips, he nudges Yoochun away with his chin, rubbing his cheek against Yoochun's until he's breathing in Yoochun's ear. He traces the outside swirl with his tongue, then takes the earlobe between his teeth. Again a jolt surges along Yoochun's nerves and he doesn't bother trying to hide the moan. Now he can give into all of it. He smiles as he arches his neck, dropping his shoulder as he reaches for Changmin's hip. A few more flicks of Changmin's tongue on the diamond and he moves on to Yoochun's throat, his jaw. The kisses are soft and hot, and also becoming random, as if Changmin moves back to plan his next landing.

"I love seeing that expression," Changmin whispers. "I love that I can make you look like that."

Yoochun opens his eyes while moving the hand he'd tucked under the pillow onto Changmin's neck. He needs to be kissed. It's like the kisses Changmin has been placing on his face and neck--soft and hot--and Yoochun sinks into it, sinks into Changmin. Changmin's hand on his back pulls him tight against warm skin, and he returns the favour with his hand on Changmin's ass, making sure their hips are lined up and pressed firm. Firm becomes hard, as Changmin's dancer's instincts come into play.

The rhythmic movement is gentle but enough to bring Yoochun's own instincts alive, his body reacting to a familiar pattern. But Changmin isn't ready for this. _He's_ not ready for this. He channels the hunger into the kiss, pushing Changmin onto his back. There's a delicious sound of surprise and pleasure that does nothing to ease his need to take this man in. Or simply take him. There's a way he can do both. Sort of.

"Don't move," he says against Changmin's lips and then slides across his body to reach into the bedside drawer. The small bottle is easy to find, since he's the one who put it away earlier. He hears Changmin draw a deep breath at the sight of it, but the way his hips move rule out any serious discomfort at the idea. Not that he plans on doing anything that hasn't been done before.

"Yes," Changmin says. Yoochun looks at him, pretty sure he didn't ask a question. Changmin licks his lips. "Whatever you want. Yes."

Oh.

"I...."

"If you say you don't know what you want, then I can supply a few ideas," Changmin says, his hands roaming over Yoochun's back. Yoochun has no doubt Changmin has ideas, very good ideas, and likely ideas that Yoochun would prefer not to have to turn down. Which he would. Probably.

"I know what I want," Yoochun says, his eyes half closing at the delicious massage Changmin is giving his lower back. "But it's good to know that improvisation is an option." He slides into Changmin's mouth again, kissing him with lazy thoroughness. Really, he could spend all night doing just this, and so he takes his time, drawing out hisses and moans until Changmin is the one to break away.

"Yoochun...."

Yoochun is already moving on, licking a wet stripe down Changmin's arched throat, over his chest. When he reaches the bottom of Changmin's ribcage, he feels the muscles under his mouth contract, a wet smear starting on his own chest. He lingers a bit, tonguing his way down the valley above Changmin's navel until he's sure there will be bruises on his shoulders from Changmin's fingers. He removes them from his shoulders, lacing them with his, and pressing both sets of hands into the mattress to lift himself up a bit.

It always surprises him how soft the skin is on a cock's head. He wonders if his lips feel rough in comparison; Junsu's never do. A quick swipe of his tongue wets them and catches a taste of salty bitterness as well. He leads with his tongue on the next kiss to catch more of it, smeared away from the source by the skin of his chest. The mood to tease keeps him nuzzling toward the base rather than lingering on more sensitive areas, but Changmin's restlessness also draws some sympathy. He licks with hard pressure back to the tip and then skims his cheek over Changmin's belly to catch the head between his lips. He draws the erection to vertical as he draws the flesh in, as far as it can go, in one deep, slow kiss. As he slides back up, he looks up, into Changmin's hooded eyes.

Which close tight as Changmin pushes his head back into the pillow. "Stop. Stop," he hisses. "I knew I shouldn't have looked. Damn!"

"Give me my hands, Changmin." A frown wrinkles Changmin's brow for a moment, then Yoochun's fingers are released from Changmin's crushing grip. Yoochun reaches for the bottle while pushing Changmin's thighs up so that his feet are flat on the bed. He slicks one finger quickly and enters Changmin without warning; the surprise will either take the edge off or push him over. From the groan and the panting he can't tell which, until it goes on too long to be the latter. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Changmin's sounding a little rough, but Yoochun takes him at his word. He twists slightly to make sure everything is still smooth and then moves out and back in. Changmin gasps, "Yeah," this time. A few more strokes and Yoochun pulls out for more lube. When he slides back in Changmin says, "Another."

"You're sure?"

Yoochun is expecting some snarky remark, but Changmin just says, "Yeah."

Two fingers are slicked and Yoochun's surprised at how easy they go in. It's tight but Changmin's not fighting it. It resurrects the earlier temptation, because Changmin _does_ seem ready for this, all Yoochun has to do is decide if he is.

It could take a while. Best to keep Changmin occupied.

Since he has a free hand now, he can stop fooling around. He moves both of them--one entering, one surrounding--in the same rhythm but with slightly off-set motions. Changmin starts to breathe in time and Yoochun lowers his head again. Gentle suction, easy motion, with just enough variation to keep it from becoming monotonous, could keep Changmin climbing, giving Yoochun time to consider his options.

"Oh, shit! Yoochun, stop!"

Or not. "Stop?" And he does.

"Aren't you going to...?"

"You don't like this?"

"I like it a lot, but I thought...."

"Junsu was right, you should stop thinking about it so much." He takes Changmin deep and keeps the suction firm on his way back up. A few more like that and he adjusts the angle of his hand; Changmin is used to this sensation, time to try another one. He presses with his fingertips on the way out until he feels the spot, then goes a little farther before changing direction to push against it. That and the tease of his teeth on the flare of the head brings a cry from Changmin. But the tone is off. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." Not a lie to the question that Yoochun asked. But possibly to another one.

And Yoochun wonders why everyone lets him get away with being such a selfish son-of-a-bitch.

He grabs for a tissue from the box he'd dropped beside the bed and leaves Changmin. A quick wipe to his fingers and a quick push to keep Changmin on the mattress give him just enough time to clarify his approach. Replacement of his hand and knees on the mattress has him straddling Changmin's torso again and looking down into Changmin's furious face. "I'd like to start this over again with my full attention where it should be," he says and kisses the firm-pressed lips, softly, sweetly, until he feels the slightest easing in Changmin's justified anger. "You deserve so much better than me," he whispers and takes advantage of lips parting in response to place a proper kiss there. Changmin's hands are on him again, hard and merciless but not pushing him away. One more step. He drags his mouth across Changmin's cheek to say this directly to his ear. "But if your answer is still the same, I'll do my best to deserve hearing it."

"Yes. You moron! Yes." The blatant irritation is comforting and Yoochun braves looking at Changmin.

"Do you still want me to...?"

"Yes."

"Because I'd be very happy if you'd like to...."

"Do I have to say it? Because I have no problem saying it."

Yoochun covers Changmin's mouth and tears up a bit, swallowing down emotion at the smile that lights in Changmin's eyes. He smiles back at them. "No. Let's consider it said."

He lowers his lips to replace his hand, not trusting the familiar sparkle that often signals the emergence of Changmin's evil side. And he wasn't kidding when he said start again; he needs some time to get back up into the game.

Then again, maybe not.

Changmin's punishing grip has turned back into seductive caresses, bringing tingling warmth to the surface of Yoochun's skin everywhere he touches. The heat that surges into the flesh between Yoochun's legs when Changmin cradles it in his palm produces a more obvious reaction. Changmin gives a small purr of approval as he threads the fingers of his other hand into Yoochun's hair and pulls just enough to turn Yoochun's face to the side while he continues the kisses along Yoochun's jaw.

"If you turn _me_ into pudding, I won't be much use to you," Yoochun warns. It takes a moment for Changmin to chuckle in recognition of their reversed positioning. He mouths at Yoochun's ear, licking down his neck and leaving a gentle bite at the base of his throat before moving back up again, all the while feathering fingers over Yoochun's cock.

Yoochun feels everything start to melt, except for the one thing that needs to stand firm. When teeth find his earlobe again, he moans, "God, Changmin. I want you so bad."

"Then have me," Changmin replies without hesitation, shaking Yoochun out of his shock at speaking in the first place. Yoochun pulls out of his grip and glances back while opening the nightstand drawer to see the flash of worry in Changmin's eyes turn into a fierce joy. That's the look Yoochun loves to see. One that he wants to see more of on Changmin's face.

"Have we left enough for Junsu?" Changmin asks, grinning.

"Junsu needs to learn to buy his own," Yoochun mutters, closing the drawer with more force than necessary, almost covering Changmin's snort of laughter. He shifts his leg over Changmin's thighs so that he can sit on his heels. "It's better if you turn over."

"Don't want to."

Yoochun stops with the condom packet halfway open, not believing he's getting backtalk at a time like this.

"Don't want to," Changmin says again, to confirm it. "I want to see you."

"It will be more difficult...." And Yoochun rolls his eyes at Changmin's raised eyebrow. Yes, he had forgotten who he was talking to.

He slides the condom on now because slippery fingers and lubed latex are a poor mix. More slick is drizzled over his fingers, pooling in the crease where he's pressing them together. He will not risk causing any more discomfort than necessary and he stares at Changmin, daring him to say something. Yoochun thinks he sees Changmin chewing on the inside of his lip, a subtle nervous habit it took years to pick up on. His fingers slip in easily and Changmin's eyelids flutter, settling at the sultry half-mast, but Yoochun isn't convinced and places his other hand in the centre of Changmin's chest. Yeah, that heartbeat is a result of more than just excitement. He doesn't say anything though, just rubs a small circle. Changmin takes his hand and kisses the palm, then uses the grip to tug him forward. Pushy bastard.

He grabs the used tissue for a quick wipe of his fingers and centres himself between Changmin's legs. He pushes at the bent knees, urging them toward Changmin's chest. Changmin moves easily; he obviously knows what to expect. So does Yoochun. And he thinks that's why he's hesitating, but he couldn't swear to it. He shouldn't want this as bad as he does--for so many, many reasons--and yet, at this moment, he can't think of a single good one. That worries him.

"We can't do it a second time, until we do it a first," Changmin says softly. Yoochun looks up into Changmin's patient, expectant eyes and presses in. The worry disappears to be replaced with a wonder to rival the look on Changmin's face. The head moves in with surprising ease, but he can feel when Changmin's body reaches its limit and he pauses to give Changmin time to adjust.

"Don't stop," Changmin pants.

"Don't be a backseat driver."

"Backseat--!"

"I offered to give you the wheel, now shut up and take it like a man."

Changmin laughs for one breath and then gasps because the release of tension causes Yoochun to sink deeper. He can see Changmin thinking about how that would work and Yoochun provides a gentle, steady pressure so that when it happens again, he slides almost all the way. He holds there a while, sort of. He actually rocks slightly, hardly enough for there to be friction, more of just a pressure. A release valve for the pressure that he's feeling, a way to keep him from.... All right, he's sliding. A couple of centimetres at most, not any deeper.... That was a little deeper, but all Changmin did was close his eyes. And lick his lips. And peel Yoochun's hand off the mattress, interlace their fingers, and brace it again by Changmin's shoulder. Same with the other one. Changmin's eyes open again, halfway, just enough to make the lazy smirk on his lips very sexy. "So," he says. "When are you going to get around to really fucking me?"

"What would a scullery boy know about real fucking?" Yoochun says, with the sweetest smile he can manage. And with Changmin's eyes wide at the language that has just come out of Yoochun's mouth, Yoochun rolls his hips. He'll never compare to Junsu, but after a couple of years of just trying to keep up, he's learned a thing or two that would impress the rookie. Or anyone else who hasn't shared a bed with Junsu.

He fights against a rhythm, not wanting Changmin to get over his surprise just yet, and uses his mouth to provide additional distraction. He drops kisses on nose, chin, a lingering one lips because Changmin follows him back partway. The inside of Changmin's knee gets the start of a hickey, but it's when he curls down to Changmin's chest that things get interesting. The position is one where he can still move, not long strokes but he can maintain an intermittent rocking. He licks and kisses, and when he worries with his teeth over the spot that Yunho had marked previously, he looks up from the corner of his eye to find Changmin smiling. A slight tilt of his head puts Changmin's nipple between his teeth and the smile disappears in the "O" of a low groan. A few not-gentle bites have Changmin surging against him, but it's when he moves back to stretch his arms out again that Changmin almost comes off of the bed. "Do that again," Changmin says, sounding like he hasn't completely figured out how to breathe.

Yoochun does, paying close attention to angle and depth and oh God he's going to come soon if he keeps watching Changmin writhe like that. Leaning in for a kiss only puts the image at a different angle. "Take yourself in hand," he says softly, releasing both of Changmin's hands while pulling back. "I need both of mine for balance."

"I want to come from this. From you."

"Flattering, but not likely, certainly not this first time. And I want to feel you." He's surprised when Changmin doesn't argue further, but not when Changmin braces a hand behind Yoochun's neck and pulls himself up for a kiss. The position doesn't support much more than a fast, sloppy exchange, but he can taste the promise even in the quick connection--Changmin is only giving up on the idea for the moment. Changmin could likely kill him with determination; thank God for the other three and the split in Changmin's attention.

He keeps his eyes closed when the kiss breaks and one of Changmin's hands brushes over his face. The first pass is feather-light, the next is a more careful exploration, a lingering kiss with fingertips. He leans into it, but isn't giving the delicious sensation the attention he usually would. He's found a rhythm, or it's found him, and he's doing his best to rein it in enough to keep from pounding Changmin through the mattress. The sound of Changmin's breathing, a series of almost-gasps and near-sighs, assures Yoochun that his suggestion is being followed, although having these alluring sounds synchronized with his movements does nothing to aid in his attempt at control.

Changmin drops his hand from Yoochun's face to his shoulder and then to his arm. Fingers dig into his triceps; the tension is unmistakable, the resolution inevitable. Yoochun opens his eyes to re-establish his focus on Changmin and is as entranced as he was the first time he saw this. Changmin usually fights for things, struggles and argues until they at least somewhat fit his view, but with this he only seems to push so far and then...soars. Yoochun always feels like he's falling, but Changmin looks like he's taking flight--arched chest, parted lips, open hand on Yoochun's arm, open eyes focussed far away, on his goal.

Yoochun stops moving with the first contraction around his cock; it can be too much sometimes when the feeling is new. It's almost too much for Yoochun, for whom it isn't new, watching, feeling, knowing that he's part of this. But it always is. Almost. Until Changmin blinks and focuses, smiles sleepily, and slides his hand up to cup Yoochun's shoulder. "I've got you," he says.

Junsu always has him, too, but then it's usually a head-over-heels, free-fall tumble as wild and wonderful as the man himself. The first drop is the same here, breath-taking and uncontrolled, but Changmin seems to have taught him to fly, or at least to glide, and he's carried along dipping and swirling currents until he finds a place on the ground.

He's amazed to see a tear slip from the corner of Changmin's eye before the first falls from his. He smiles, laughs a little, and catches it on his fingertip before swiping at his own eyes with the back of his hand. He brings the salt to his mouth to taste it and Changmin covers his eyes with his arm. Yoochun can't wait any longer, he needs to get close. "This will hurt," he warns and waits until Changmin nods before pulling out.

A sharp hiss shows the truth of the statement and Yoochun cleans up quickly, lying down again just as Changmin has stretched out his legs. The arm comes off of Changmin's face to wrap around him and he pulls Changmin against his chest. He can feel the shudders under the surface of Changmin's skin, signs of excess emotion overwhelming the usual paths to release. All he can do is hold on, running his fingers through Changmin's hair and not commenting on the wetness against his skin.

A deep breath signals the end of this storm, and Changmin's voice is encouragingly steady as he says, "I thought--"

"Don't think. Not right now." Yoochun kisses the top of Changmin's head. "Save it for later."

Changmin looks up with his "You must be kidding, hyung" look on his face. Yoochun has no choice but to kiss him. Thinking will bring up questions and doubts, and he has no intention of spoiling the remarkable calm he's found, a sign that this was the right thing to do and that everything will turn out fine. Admittedly, kissing Changmin is not the best way to maintain calm, even if it does deter thinking. They slide into each other easily, the kiss heating without effort and Yoochun feels a familiar stirring even as Changmin's renewed interest becomes obvious. He's getting too old for this!

"Oh my God, here's another one who doesn't know that he's supposed to be tired! Ten minutes! All I want is ten minutes to relax and recover."

"If I relax I'll be asleep in ten minutes."

"That was the original plan."

Again he gets the look and this time he punches Changmin on the shoulder. Changmin snickers in response, but also relaxes into Yoochun's arms. They both quiet, fingertips occasionally brushing over convenient skin, but the touches become heavier and less frequent and Changmin's breathing slows and deepens. Yoochun feels him fall asleep and knows that he will follow soon.

This day certainly hasn't gone the way he'd expected when he woke up this morning. But then he could say that about his whole life, where change seems to be the only constant. Changmin shifts a little, settling deeper into sleep, and Yoochun realizes that he's wrong, there are now four other constants. Change will always happen and he'll likely never deal with it well, but he won't have to deal with it alone.

Changmin shifts again, curling in closer, as if to tell him some changes are good. Like he could forget it when the four best examples remind him with their every move, their every breath. All he has to do now is believe it. Believe them.

He laughs at himself, softly. All this turmoil, and it's not even a change, except in perspective. He's always believed them.

That will never change.


End file.
